E060 - A Cup of Tea on the Commode

James Doran (00:06.222)

Well hello and welcome to the Expat Pod. My name is James, your host and today I'm joined by Mark. Mark, I think we met through a podcasting agency, I think it was, where you kind of saw the podcast and sent me a blurb about you and I emailed you back asking you to be a guest on the podcast. Yeah, it was probably Matchmaker FM, which sounds more like a dating site. So it's like, have my girlfriend sees that and says, what are you doing?

It's podcasting, honey. Great. If you wish to give everyone a flavor of your life, where you're from, where you've lived and what you do, that'd be great. All right. So I was born and raised in New Jersey, up in the northeast corner, about 20 miles outside of New York City and about also 20 miles from upstate New York. So it was a great little, I guess, suburb and a nice town.

a great education system and a very nice place to grow up. So if we wanted culture, I mean, we had some in our town, but you go to New York City to go to Radio City Music Hall or Broadway or see some of the, you know, the sites. And so that was cool. And we could do that on our own too. Either take a bus if you want to drive in as we got older or went in with our folks. But

It took a bus and got adventurous and stuff like that. So was very cool. I had a very artsy upbringing. My mother was into the arts and so the whole family, there's six of us, kids, and we all got involved in the ballet early on in life. so I had a performance, I guess, career starting very early, around seven years old, dancing.

Actually, my first gig was in Lincoln Center, New York City. So that was kind of cool. But I retired from that around 10 years old. And after graduating high school, I went to the Ohio State University. So I made my slow move out west and got a degree in industrial design, which married a number of my loves. So art was definitely a love of mine, but also math and science. And this was like the perfect career for it.

James Doran (02:25.262)

And in 1984, I got the acting bug kicked back in. So then I moved to Los Angeles and did the acting thing for 28 years. then I am now a published author, award winning, bestselling author. In 2011, an event happened with my mother, was kind of on her deathbed. And so I moved back to New Jersey.

and was her caregiver for three and a half years. So I moved back into the house that I grew up in and that was interesting in many ways. And then shortly after that, I moved to France. It was a few years after my mom passed. And this is crazy and this is what we'll talk about more in the podcast, but there's no way I should be here. I came to visit this...

the little place where I live now, a little village called Pezinas in southwest France in 2015 and fell in love with the town and the people. And I found this apartment and I decided to buy it. And I didn't know when I was going to move here permanently, but I did some renovations in 2016 and then decided to stay. And it's also

located in the largest wine growing region in the world. So if you're into wine, it's not a bad place to be. Yeah. So that's it. So that's my, so now I'm doing the Hemingway thing. I'm a, a writer in suffering in the South of France is what I tell people. Wow. Well, what a great story. I'm sure we'll unpack that a lot more as we kind of go through the podcast, but it's still, yeah, an incredible journey to get there. And I hope you've, you know, enjoyed all the wine you have so far.

Not a better place to be, suppose. Yeah, it's actually, in some places, it's cheaper than water, which is great. It's like Carla in Spain, I think it's often cheaper than bottled water. Yeah, yeah. You say, why are you ordering that water? We could get a nice bottle for that price. So, yeah, so it's lovely. And the people are great and they're very forgiving because I wasn't planning on moving here, so I had no French.

James Doran (04:42.99)

And my French is still pretty terrible, but they apologize for their bad English, which is lovely. And whenever I tried to speak French, they jump in and try to speak English. So it doesn't help my French very well. And it also doesn't make it too good. Sometimes they'll just look at me and start with English before even hearing my lousy attempt at French. So I get a little offended. So I'm hoping that the growth here would help because I try to look a little more French and...

But I don't smoke, that might be the clue. So I think I have to start smoking. It's like a fake cigarette or something. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they haven't gotten the message over here. They're lovely people, but my gosh, they, everybody smokes. It's a matter of anything, I think. They have to, I think, watch the news in the US or some more movies about what the tobacco companies are doing to the world. But. Right, well, I guess we'll get into a bit more in section one.

James Doran (05:43.502)

So welcome to one of the podcasts or getting there. Mark, this is where I kind of get my guests kind of why first. So you mentioned it was quite unplanned and scripted of you to move to France, but there must be a why, which made you want to explore it initially. So what was the muse or what was the kind of inspiration for traveling abroad?

Well, I'd say, you know, I've been a pretty adventurous guy. And so I like to take on new things and new challenges. the first time I visited France was in 2013. And my girlfriend knew people up in Paris. And so we decided to spend two weeks. So we were going to spend a week in Provence. And that was my introduction. And then

So we were with a French couple and then another couple, she was, my girlfriend at the time was originally from Wichita. So she had another couple from Wichita down there. So we were with French people in France. And so that helped quite a bit. And we had a lovely time. We visited a lot of the tourist spots. Jean -Claude was a big traveler, so he had a plan. So every day was filled with some fun location to go to and stuff like that.

And then it was funny because you hear about the French and their attitudes. The only argument or the only issue that I noticed was my French friend, Olivia from Paris, had an argument over the temperature of milk with a server in a restaurant in Provence. And Olivia wanted the milk warm and the server said, it's refrigerated. And she says, I understand that, but I would like...

room temperature milk. And she says, our milk is refrigerated. And it kept getting more and more heated. And Olivia finally asked, what temperature is it when it comes out of the cow? And of course, that didn't go over well with the server. that was the only tension I saw was two French people having an argument over the temperature of milk. And then we spent a week in Paris.

James Doran (07:56.768)

And again, that was lovely. They live in the Saint -Germain -de -Prie, a beautiful area, and it was just a lovely time. I started thinking then, you know, France is a nice place, and my girlfriend always wanted to retire here. So she was always looking for places, and two years later, she found a place near where I live now. And so we spent a week at an Airbnb in this

this little village, actually just five days. And I fell in love with the village and the people and I bought this apartment and it was built in 1540 and has just a, the village itself has a lovely history, political and architectural, but also a theater history. Moliere, they say, was born here. And so they have a Hollywood Walk of Fame, which is kind of fun because, you know, certainly we have that in LA.

They put on plays and they have these events all year long where the village just, they'll get in, probably half the village will get into 16th century costumes and recreate Molière. And it is very cool. So if you're into that stuff, mean, it's a lovely place. So I never expected to move here permanently. That was kind of a fluke, but I...

I had the idea in my head and it's interesting when you have either you have the idea or you make a decision, the world seems to support if it's a good decision or you know, every the world seemed to come together and make it all happen because this place shouldn't have been mine. I put an offer in and it was accepted but the guy that I bought it from apparently wasn't a nice man and the village notaire who handles these the

The lawyer that handles all the purchases liked me. I met him for 10 minutes and for some reason he became my champion and he told this man, we like this American, we want him to move here, do not sell this place to anybody else. And they held it because it took almost a year and a half to work out all the logistics and going through the French mortgage system and stuff was not easy for an American. So alert the patients. And in France, you have to understand that

James Doran (10:20.758)

And I had a British broker who I had to hire because the French system was a little too difficult for me and my lack of the language. he said, when it was taking so long, I got so angry. And I said, I don't know what, what do we do here? And he says, Mark, you need to chill out in France. This is the way if they have anything to do, but work, they do it. And has nothing to do with you. It's not anything personally. This is just the French way. And once you understand that,

It is the right way to live. really have it. The quality of life here is just amazing, especially in the South. But this was coming from the Parisian bankers and stuff like that. And it was like, my gosh. So as an American, you really do have to learn to chill and relax and know that you are in someone else's country. that is, for me, it was kind of easy, but...

If you have an attitude of I'm an American and I belong here, I'm superior to anybody else, it's not going to go over well. And so if you have a good attitude and kind of open up to how they live here, it's a great place. Completely, yeah. You mentioned about the length of time it took to do the mortgage side of things. How was that possible in terms of not mostly...

not being French, not being part of the EU, was the main loophole, the hoop should have jumped through, more than loophole, sorry, in order to get over the line? Did you have to qualify for anything in order to qualify for a mortgage in France? Just to open up a bank account was very difficult. So we originally tried, this is when my old girlfriend and I, we were friends at the time, we were going to do this as a business deal. She would be a vacation home, she comes when she wants, I come when I want.

We tried to open up a bank account with BNB in Paris in Los Angeles. We thought that would be the easy way to transfer that money here. And they told us in Los Angeles, if you open an account here, this doesn't help you in France. It was completely separate. So we said, well, there's no purpose in opening a French account that we can't use in France. So I started contacting banks here on my own.

James Doran (12:40.878)

And their requirements were quite interesting. So I just said, forget this. So I looked online, did research, and found a mortgage broker. I can't think of their name right now. Maybe we could put it in the show notes. they had a flat fee, 1 ,500 euros, and they will get you a mortgage. And they'll secure it and take care of it. So they're the ones that gave me the whole list of requirements.

Now what was interesting is I was a freelance designer at the time, making good money, but I was freelance. France likes a paycheck, so they wanted job security. so that was very important. But since I was making good money, the broker said, maybe we can get away with this. So we went through all the bells and whistles and got one bank.

showed an interest. so for four months, was yes, every step was yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And at the last minute, I think after four months, it was around Christmas of 2015, somebody stepped in at the last minute and said no. So I asked the broker what was going on. He said it probably had to be the paycheck.

And so in the meantime, so I said, well, let's start looking at other banks. But in the meantime, the company, was doing a lot of freelance work. I asked them, or they actually wanted me to come on board to be a salary worker. So I had to take a pay cut, but there were some benefits. But I thought the pay cut was going to be too low to qualify for the mortgage. But the paycheck is what did it. So the next time we applied, they said yes.

And that whole process took about 17 months. Wow. I think it's the same in the UK as well in terms of mortgage. I know it's like in the US, but if you have a salary job, it's much easier because you have to show your pay slips for so long and your mortgage or your borrowing power is linked to your annual salary. And if you are contracting, then you have to show a lot longer history, I think, to prove that you're worth it. But I guess we're

James Doran (14:55.918)

contracting work is it could end tomorrow. There's no, I mean even in a Saturday work, can end in a month or whatever your notice period is, it's not exactly secure. right. Well, everybody has their little, I guess, quirks and silly requirements. I know in France they love the paperwork, love paperwork. So even, I think the most difficult thing I had to do after I got my mortgage was a driver's license out here. They wanted ...

At that point, I was driving for 45, 50 years, and they wanted 15 years of insurance records. And in America, that was probably about five or six insurance companies because they kept being bought up by another company and stuff like that. So it took me forever, but I got it. But I said, boy, that is silly. I haven't had an accident since like 1986.

But they didn't believe me. And also they didn't believe my driver's license. They said, we need to see your permit of driving. And I said, well, here's the driver's license. And it wasn't expired or anything. said, no, we need a, I think they called it an apostole. And I said, what is that? And it was a certificate. And there were just a few states in the United States that had an agreement with France.

regarding driver's licenses. And luckily, the last state that I lived in was Michigan, and they had that. So I called up the DMV in Michigan from France and said, you know what this is? She goes, yes, of course we know what this is. It's $12, and we give you the... And it was like a high school diploma, had some gold on it. And it said, yeah, Mark can drive. And it was like, and I have a driver's license with my picture and all this other stuff. But no, they wanted this little, you know, it was crazy.

Anyway, so then I got my driver's license and that was probably the silliest thing that I had to go through, but they loved the paperwork. And then when you moved, obviously you owned a property there. Were you planning to spend all your time there? Would it have been allowed with obviously visas and things? Going to the EU from the US, what was your plan? Well, it was originally going to be a vacation home.

James Doran (17:19.758)

And I wasn't sure how long I'd stay here because I was still working and I wanted to, I had a goal of having certain money packed away in the bank before I thought about retiring. in 2016, I came and renovated when I finally closed on the deal and just loved it. And I stayed here for about five weeks and then I went back home and continued working.

And my sister at the time was teaching at an international school in Albania. And I said, if you wanted to come home to South of France for Christmas, I will come back early and we'll spend a couple of weeks here. so she did that and I kind of never went back. I just loved being here. And financially, I was very lucky. Some things came together and

So that wasn't a big issue and luckily the market was doing pretty well and it continues to do so. So that's paying for a lot of my... because I'm officially retired here. I'm not allowed to work in France. That's a big deal. Every time I went for my carte cejure, which was your... after your visa runs out, you have to get a carte cejure as a guest. Now I'm a 10 -year resident, which is nice.

But still you have to show that you are financially independent of the state. They don't want to take people who are going to be a burden on the French government. yeah, so then I came, I had to go back to the states for a long -term visa before the Carte du Jour stuff kicked in because we're only allowed to stay here for 90 days. And so at the end of the 90 days, I went back and got a one -year visa. And then I was so comfortable here. I said, at that point, I think I can manage. So I was going to...

pretty much stay and that's been it. was the process like for the visas? you get help from the embassy? Did you have the visa servicing the US to support that or was it quite straightforward? Well it was interesting. So I'm here for, as the 90 day limit was approaching, I started doing research and online there are a number of sources that said you can renew your visa or you can get a long -term visa in France as an American. It's not true. I went through

James Doran (19:37.07)

You have to go to the prefecture, which was in Montpellier, so I was about an hour away. So I went there and asked them if this was true. And they said, well, you fill out this document and you come back next week on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday. And we give 10 slots for a meeting to see if you can get your visa. And I said, okay, so what time do you open? And they said 8 .30. I said, what time do I need to be here to be one of those 10? And they said, you come early.

The next Tuesday I got to the prefecture before 5 a because I expected to wait online for a long time because they said the window does not open until 2 p So I got there before 5 a and expected to wait online for nine hours or so. And I was number two. There was a guy from Algeria in front of me.

And then the next guy was from Nigeria and the next guy was from Papua New Guinea. And what was great about that, we're all sitting in the dark and they've all been through this before. I was the only American. But you really you realize that I'm an immigrant just like everybody else. And for an American to wrap their head around that, for me, it wasn't too difficult because I loved it all. I thought the whole thing was exciting. But it was very interesting and they knew what to do. They said we make a list.

of the 10 people because there's going to be people that come really close to 2 o 'clock that will try to ditch in line. So if we have a written list from their experience, this is what we do. And sure enough, everything they predicted came true because you had people show up at 1, 1 .30 and tried to get in front of these people who've been waiting for eight or nine hours. So it was interesting. So I get up to the window, I have all the paperwork filled out. And as soon as they looked, they looked at my paperwork for about 30 seconds and they said, go home.

And said, wait a minute. And they said, no, go home. And then being an actor, I pretended I was crying. I'm here for political asylum. I'm a refugee. I tried all this stuff. They said, no, go home. So I made arrangements with the French consulate in Chicago. That was the closest place to where my sister lived in Michigan. And that meeting was 10 minutes. So I drove to Chicago.

James Doran (21:59.478)

met with them, and luckily they asked me a very important question because I didn't want to raise any red flags because I didn't know how long I was going to stay here. I had a plan of moving here, but I thought it might have been a red flag if I put that in the application, so I didn't. the lady at the window asked me, are you staying longer than a year? And I said, I don't know. I've never lived that long away from home, so I'm not sure. She says, well, if you don't check this box here,

you're going to have to come back to the states to renew this." And I said, check it, because I don't plan on coming back. In my head, I said that, but I said, check it. So that saved me another trip and hassle at the US. So I would say, if anybody is going to do this, if they're American, get your long -term visa before you come here. If you really are serious about moving here, you could do the 90 days, and that's great, but you cannot extend it.

anywhere but back in the US. So you have to do that. So if you plan on staying more than 90 days, get the long -term visa. So it was one year visa. And then when I arrived, you have to go through, I think, the tuberculosis testing. so you need the medical testing, and then I guess the finance and all that kind of stuff. so again, it was, I guess, a little bit of a hassle, not a real big deal for me.

And then luckily the Sioux Perfecture, which I could go to after you did the main one, it's only about 20 minutes away. And it's a smaller town. And so the lines are a lot shorter. so it's very, it's very, where I live, again, I don't know if these are my French ancestors who made this all so easy, but it's very convenient where I live. And I've had no problems, even though my French is terrible.

Still, don't quiz me on that. ne comprends pas. I used to do a great French accent. I can't even do that now because I don't believe me. do my Marie Chevalier, I'll and they'll go, stop. Please, all right, all right. So, but it's great because I just think that I'm on vacation. And I've been on vacation since 2016. almost every day I keep pinching myself, saying this is lovely. Is there anything else you need to say?

James Doran (24:23.424)

try and kind of tick off or kind of work through before making that kind of long -term move or is that to the best of it? No, know, no, I'm pretty good at making a decision and going. You know, I did that when I gave up my career in design and said I'm going to Hollywood to be an actor. And then, know, I'm going to France or I actually, you before that I was, I'm going to be my mother's caregiver.

and did that for three and a half years. it was a great experience. But whatever adventure I jump into, I go in with a really good attitude. And my motto is find the joy. So I look for the joy in it because I've had a lot of failures in life and started a lot of businesses and most of them didn't do so well, but I learned a lot from it. so this is the latest adventure. And now while I've been here,

I started writing. I wrote in Hollywood. I did screenplays and I did stand -up for a while, so I wrote jokes and screenplays and short films and things. now I'm a published author. wrote a memoir while I was here about caring for my mom and that whole thing, because I think people can benefit from what I went through and hopefully it will inspire some other people to jump in and care for their loved ones.

I am now a published award -winning author living in the south of France. So this is a lovely place to do that and reflect and it's a very creative town. So it's very inspiring in that way. so life could not be better. Like the film Levante, you've seen it. I know it's not South of France, but Colin Farrell's Colin Firth's.

That character goes to do a writing retreat in the town in Europe and falls in love, but it's quite a... he goes and lives and there's a writing retreat somewhere. Yeah, and I just see all the papers going out. The pond, that one. Yeah, and he goes after the Spanish girl. Yes. He falls out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of just fun things where you... you know, and I...

James Doran (26:45.236)

I cannot tell you a book that I read in high school. I was not, I mean, I like creating fun stories and wrote funny things, but in high school, I hated reading. And I don't know if I had an issue with reading or what the deal was, but I just wasn't into it. I was into the art. So I made furniture and I carved and I wrote funny music and things like that.

sitting down or reading a book or told story or something like that just did not do a thing for me. And it wasn't until later on where I started really appreciating good writing, studying the craft. Again, for this book, I never wrote a memoir before, so I studied the craft and fortunately found a good publisher that liked...

what I had to say. And so it's been a real blessing and fun to find that you have a voice that resonates with people later in life. so that was kind of cool. That's incredible. Yeah. And I'm sure we'll a link in the show notes to that book so people can go and check it out for you and hopefully be inspired by your penmanship, which will be wonderful. And I guess we can go into section two all about

Being the

James Doran (28:13.198)

So welcome back to the podcast and welcome to part two, all about being there. So Mark, this is kind of where I get a bit of your first impressions. So obviously you went to France as a tourist when you were in 2013. Now you went to Paris and the places include where you're living now. What was your first impression of France when you first went with the kind of rose tinted glasses of a tourist? Was it anything you thought of from what you'd seen from media or was it different? Did it taste, smell, sound?

What you thought it would do? Well, I have to say I was very fortunate because my introduction was to a French couple, Jean -Claude and Olivia, who lived in Paris and still do. And they were good friends of my girlfriend at the time, and they spoke pretty good English. So that was very helpful because again, that was my first time in France. I never expected to really come here. I knew a couple of words. You know, they say there's 40 ,000 words we have in common with English and French.

the half our words or anything? Well, you would think, but it's like, they say I love their accent. So I think they say it much better or I enjoy listening to some of the words with them. But it's funny that that we have that in common. But you would never know it, at least in my experience, though. So we spent again a week in Provence and we had some activities to do every day. So I got to see so many places I probably never would have seen on my own.

and only a couple of those places I've been back to and they're just a few hours away from where I live now. And then in Paris, we spent a week and they live in a beautiful location, very close to the Louvre. And Paris, you can walk around to almost everything. So if you like walking, it's great. So Notre Dame is not far, Eiffel Tower is not far.

The public gardens all over the place are lovely. other museum, the Dorsey Museum is actually one of my favorites. It's small, but it has a lovely collection from Van Gogh and Cezanne and all the impressionists. The Louvre is quite grand. Everybody goes there to see the Mona Lisa, so there's plenty of other things to see. But once you're there, you got to do that, I guess. The food is lovely.

James Doran (30:31.182)

The wine, of course, is lovely, but the food is lovely and it's so different from America. People don't believe me, but I cannot gain weight here in France. I drink the wine, I eat the butter, I have the baguettes, I have the cheese. I don't have a lot of meat too much anymore because my girlfriend is a vegetarian, so we try to keep it more plant -based.

I love the food and the desserts and the croissants and all. mean, it's fabulous. And I can't gain weight. And I think the main reason is they don't put all the junk that we put in the United States into our food. what I think the shame here is you see McDonald's and KFC and Burger King and all that stuff. And the sexy French women that you see on the beach in all the movies are disappearing because the beach is a whole different place now.

It's a shame what McDonald's and the other fast food companies are doing to destroy the world. We may lose a sponsor here, so sorry about that. So I stole that kind of sponsor I wanted, imagine. So I mean, I had just a very open mind about it all, it lived up to whatever my expectations may have been. just, hey, let's just go. I told, again, my girlfriend at the time.

I said, we're going to go and you're going to have the most fun you've ever had on a vacation. And that was my goal, to make it as fun as possible. so again, if you go out with that kind of attitude and open mind and open heart, especially in a new world, it makes a big difference. You lead with a smile and it's amazing what comes back. so that kind of hooked me because I never thought about it before, but those two weeks were really, that really made an impression on me.

And so that opened that door of, maybe France is a place to retire to. Cast your mind forward, then Zorz, you bought your house and you'd moved. Obviously you had quite a few experiences of France, the systems and things, but when you first arrived to live there, what was that like? What was your impression then? Was it still the same kind of romanticised version you might have had from your incredible holiday? You know, being so open -minded and...

James Doran (32:54.734)

And you know, let life in where as you go to live somewhere, it's a bit different because you have to do your laundry, you have to, you know, go to the supermarket, you have to live, right? So did that make a huge difference for you or? Well, again, it's an attitude. You know, if you have the right attitude, but I have to admit, so it took 17 months to buy this place. So when I arrived after the deal was all done and I was supposed to come here and sign the papers,

I arrived in Paris and I called up my real estate agent down here in Pessinas and she said, Mark, stay in Paris a few more weeks. Do not rush. And I said, what are you talking about? And they said, I knew the summer vacations are usually July and August. So I planned on arriving here last day of August. So we get back to work in the fall and close the deal in September. Well, they said that the clerk in my notary's office was still on vacation for a couple of weeks.

So I wasn't even sure if my place was still here. And again, you think, my first impression was so good. It was five days here, but a year and a half earlier. So what happened in that time? Were these people all being nice to me? So I would come here and spend money on this village, and now the reality sets in. So I really did have some dark thoughts of, wait a minute. So I said, no, I told my real estate, I'm coming.

I'll stay in a hotel, but if nothing else, I want to make sure my apartment is still there. So I arrived later that day. I got here actually at night and it was, yeah, August 31st. And the first thing I did is I came down and make sure my apartment was still here and the building was still here after 500 years. It's almost, yeah, it's almost 500 years old now. So that was a good sign.

And then it was funny. So it was about 10 o 'clock at night and this town does close things up early, pretty early. So it was very quiet. I saw a girl walking her dog and she looks at me and she says, are you hungry? And I said, what a lovely town. This girl is going to invite a perfect stranger up to her house and serve me dinner. And I said, yes, I am hungry actually. And she said,

James Doran (35:14.85)

Well, there's this one restaurant right up here that will still be open. So that ended up being a very cool place. I don't know if you're familiar with the TV show Cheers. Yeah, I know of it with the with Frazier. bar in Boston. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. So your relatives will know this. Everybody knows your name. So this place was La Comptoir and it was open late at night. And it was a cool little place right around the corner from where my apartment was.

and had the best meal and it was lovely. So that girl I just saw a couple days ago, I don't see her very often and I told her, said, you you saved my life six years ago because I was hungry and you fed me. So now I'm here and I knew I had some renovations to do because I'm a designer. So I had some ideas. Structurally, I can't do anything because it's a historic site, but I had a lot of ideas of what to do. So it was basically get to work.

And since the clerk was still on vacation, we didn't close the final deal for two weeks. So for two weeks, I had to run around this village and find things that I wanted to renovate with. So materials and furniture and all that kind of stuff. So I met a lot of people in town over those two weeks that I may not have met otherwise. Just out of desperation, I had time to kill.

and I had a mission to get my place renovated and I had kind of like a time limit. I was only supposed to be here for a few weeks and it was great. And then also the no tearing down. so this is another good thing about the attitude. So it took 17 months and I got frustrated many times, but not with any of the people in Pesenas. The only time I kind of shared my feelings was with my broker up in Paris.

And so when the deal finally came through, he wrote in the subject line in the email, good things come to those who wait. Well, I said, you know, I had this team, not only my brokers, but the real estate agent and the clerk and the notary that all stuck with me over these 17 months because I smiled or whatever. You know, they had a good impression of me. So I made up a t -shirt for the whole team. said, good things come to those who wait and wait.

James Doran (37:41.07)

and Wade, dot, dot, That is the last 2016. And you would think these things were a million dollar car or something. I gave these out to the team and the notary became a super fast friend of mine, which was lovely because he was a very prominent, very prominent man in the village. His family has been here, I think, since the 12th century and stuff. he started introducing me to all these people in town.

as a friend. So was almost like the mafia. I was like a made man. It was the American that Bernard respects. So now you must respect him. And it was lovely. So my introduction to this village was great. And so I met a lot of good people and some of those people I've needed because one of them was, his name is Serge Avarat, and he's famous for restoring all these famous doors all around France, but especially in this area.

and I needed some wood and then I didn't have the tools and stuff too and he has a beautiful shop here and so I had him do some lovely things and his wife is an American from New York. about at that time about 45 years and she reminded me so much of my grandmother but I couldn't tell it because she's not that much older than me but she looks and sounds just like my grandmother and it was lovely so we it was just great again I think it was

I had a good attitude and everybody else seems to, whether it's infectious or not, but still the people on my street are lovely. There's a blacksmith and my street is cobblestone and blacksmith and various artists. And we don't sit and talk all that much because of the language issue, but they know a little English and I know enough French and we just, we like each other. And it's just made it very easy.

But then when you said, so you're living here and you have to adapt. So you have to adapt to, I guess, the French way of life. I'll tell you some of the good things. One is all the stores close around 730, which is great because the evenings are quiet. And in America, it's 24 -7. if you want ice cream at four in the morning, you go to Ralph's. Sun to man bless, though. my God, it's terrible. And then on Sundays, almost everything is closed.

James Doran (40:01.55)

So, Sunday is family day and it's lovely. And then the hardest thing for an American to get used to was that two hour lunch. That two hour lunch is religion. And I've been at a store at about five minutes to noon with a full cart of hardware materials and been chased out of the store because lunch time's coming. And we don't care if you have $3 ,000 worth of stuff in that cart.

get check out and get out of here because we got to eat our bacon. I'm sorry, your baguette. once you get used to that, have to, you know, if you're going, especially when I, you know, lot of these places I had to go were 20, 30 minutes away. And if you don't plan around that, you got to car for two hours and wait. But once you get used to it, it's great. It's lovely because the kids come home.

from school and it's family time. That's their big meal. so it's lovely. And so those are some of the things it takes a little bit to get used to, but once you do it's fantastic. I hope they don't have any 24... I've heard rumors that one of these places may be a 24 -7 place and I hope it's not close because it still has this charm of this old town village.

and which is nice. There's no fast food. There is a McDonald's in the village, outside the village. I live in the historic center, which is very cool. So there's none of that stuff here. There's no Starbucks anywhere. I'm never - There's a French one, where you agree to Starbucks because the coffee in France is so incredible itself. And you get it at the Boulangerie or the cafe and you can get your Coq Manchon or whatever with it.

It's a culture itself as opposed to the Starbucks which is obviously after the takeout. More for those who are in a rush. And French, like a lot of European countries, has a bit more of relaxed vibe to it, I suppose, in terms of the work -life balance as you were discussing before and having a good sit -down lunch and enjoying breakfast which is, or a baguette which is three ingredients and no sugar which one liked.

James Doran (42:22.094)

Okay, so I'll tell you, people say, okay, so why do you like being here or whatever? So when I first came, was September 2016, and that is wine harvest time, the early fall, late summer. And so my notaire friend, Bernard, said, do you want to go to a Vendage? And I said, absolutely. Now tell me what a Vendage is. You know, I said, anything French, I'm in, but we're going in. That was...

the celebration of the harvest. So what they do is there's a Chateau Mampazat, which the owners have now become friends because they were friends with Bernard. grew up together. we go, first we went to the family home of Bernard and he says, we're going to get some grape cutters here. What you're going to do is you're to cut grapes for a while and then we have a big party to celebrate. And so I said, great, let's do that. So we get the grape cutters and we go out to Chateau Mampazat.

You, we park in the parking lot, which is kind of on the grass, and you go up this grand staircase and there's a chateau. And I am walking into a French romantic film, just the atmosphere, the chateau, it was gorgeous. It was just gorgeous. And so...

Christoph is the owner and so he gave instructions on what we do to cut the grapes and it's an organic winery or domain, which was lovely. And so he taught us how to cut the grapes and you take buckets and you cut the grapes and then a truck comes down and switches out empty bucket with your full one and as that's going, you go down the vines. A jazz band.

appears. And they're playing music in the vines as we are cutting grapes. And I'm like, what is going on here? It was just amazing. they're following you. So you're cutting grapes for two hours. And then I was thinking, you got the band and the romance of this whole thing is lovely, but it's like they got free grape cutting, which was, I mean, it was fine. And then after that,

James Doran (44:40.298)

It seemed like the whole village comes with side dishes because they've got, I guess, sheep and pigs on the barbecue. there's a gentleman, Hassan, who's the barbecue guy. So he's got the barbecue going the whole morning and we're cutting the grapes. And then after that, all these people come in with all the side dishes. So inside the chateau, they have these tables laid out and people bring the salads and they bring the cheeses and the baguettes and the fruit.

It was just absolutely lovely. so you're at lunch, now you're celebrating, so you've got the barbecue and all the food, and of course you're drinking wine, the lovely wine, and the band set up at the chateau, and you're out there all day. And since I was friends with Bernard, we were there near the end. And at the very end, I saw the barbecue guy and I were chatting because he spoke some English.

And at the end of the evening, I was probably a little drunk, and we're listening to the band and Hassan says, Mark, you're American, yes? And I said, yes. And he says, and he kind of knew Americans are like, know, this, this, this, work, work, work. He says, you must stop and take this all in, because this is the life in the south of France. And I started crying.

And I said, my God, I am home. And whenever I see this man, we hug each other. And I said, you have no idea how important those words were to me. And I think anybody I share that story with gets it. But you really get it if you were in that situation and that domain. And those people, so you have Christof and a lot of the people that I met were friends of Bernard's, all important people in their various fields. And nobody...

You know, doctors and a plumbier and things like that, and everybody is cool. It's not like, I'm a doctor, so you must treat me differently. And when they found out that my stuff is coming from the United States on a certain ... It came very late, but it was supposed to ... And they said, we're going to help you move. And I said, wait, you're running a domain, and you're running this business, and you're a notary in town. What are you talking about? You don't even know me. And they said, you're a friend of Bernard's. We'll help you move.

James Doran (47:04.288)

And I had these friends help me when my stuff finally came. so that was a magical moment. And there's been several others. I joke with my girlfriend saying there's a magical aspect to Pessinas. And there may be other things in France, but it's very cool. And so another one is when I arrived, again, waiting for...

my furniture to come. It was stuck in Rotterdam and it was there for about... I shipped it three months earlier from the States and I think it kept getting pushed aside because it was personal items so I wasn't going to be paying a custom tax on it. So they weren't going to make any extra money so I think they kept pushing it aside. The first night I was here, I'm eating in a restaurant by myself and I hear a gentleman with an accent speaking some English though. So I turned around and introduced myself. Again, this first night I'm here.

after these 17 months. And I told him what was going on. He was a businessman from Amsterdam. my furniture has been stuck in Ronne he goes, I'll make some phone calls. And my stuff came the next week because I happened to meet this gentleman, his name is Peter, and we became friends. And he said he just got there that night and he said his business partners up in Amsterdam told him

go away, you need a vacation, leave now." And he came to Pesenas 25 years earlier and hadn't been back. And he said, I just got in my car and I drove to Pesenas because I had a lovely time a quarter of a century ago. And he happened to arrive there the same night I arrived and we sat at the same restaurant and he got my stuff out of Rotterdam. And a lot of very cool things like that have happened here. So it's

It's magical. Well, I guess one thing would just testament to yourself, which is, you know, during that lengthy wait for the house to go through, you could have gotten or you could have got, you know, it's tough with the whole situation. You could have been a bit more blunt or I could have been the ugly American and maybe not and ruin the deal. the Brit or the ugly anyone. Cause everyone gets impatient at the time, but you know, it's a lot of things which happen through cultures.

James Doran (49:29.058)

you know, patience and kindness is the hardest thing to do. It's easy to be annoyed at something. It's harder to go, well, it's probably not a fault. It's probably just something that's going wrong. It's best to just be polite and be kind because they'll pass it forward. Right. Cause if someone has a go at you and you then pass negative things on, it's quite a bad cycle. Whereas you kind of broke that. God, something bad's happened to me. You know what? going to feel positive about it. I'm going to share that with people who've helped me out a lot. And

for you that's, you know, reaped its rewards. It's like you're, harvesting your own vines now and friendship where you've gone and, you know, thanked people for all the hard work and they're probably annoyed as well because it's a long client or a long service. you know, kudos to you for going, you know, let's make some foot out of this and let's turn it into a celebration. And it seems to me that from what you've been saying,

That's probably the best thing you've possibly done on the whole move was react in such a positive way. And that started the domino effect of your life in France without that starting point, which might seem so small an act of kindness. Well, even before, know, always, my motto is find the joy in it. But you know, there's a buzzword now is emotional intelligence. And so a lot of this stuff would fall into that. So

What you have to ask yourself in any situation is, what I'm about to say, is that going to help or hurt the situation? You know, have to look beyond. And so you say, okay, so it's better maybe to bite my tongue and not say anything, or how can I make this better? And I've had a few incidents in my life where you make things better just by

whether it's changing the subject or, you if you have someone who's terribly angry, you don't want to feed into that anger. You got to get them out of that anger. So somehow make them laugh or, you come up with a bouquet of flowers out of nowhere or something just to get people out of that anger mode or something like that. So...

James Doran (51:49.324)

Yeah, a lot of that has come out of whether it's acting or also in my design career where you have to... Empathy is a big word, certainly in caregiving also. So you really have to try to put yourself in the shoes of your client or your patient or the person you're dealing with in that situation and say, maybe they're having a really bad day. so that... how can I help them?

there or just give them the space that they may need right now to chill out. Yeah, no, that's a very good point. But yeah, I kind of echo your sentiment there really in terms of looking for joy in things. My girlfriend, I practice gratitude quite a lot and mindfulness and then you don't have to thank her a lot for her. It's interesting that to my life a lot more since COVID, especially when things were quite bleak.

We needed to find joy in things and I was quite thankful for being able to spend time with my parents or I'd move back to my family home because it's on the beach where I lived in the Midlands of England that I did a flat with no outdoor space. So I went home and had the best possible environment to be in for 12 weeks when the UK was in lockdown and you know, it took a global pandemic for me to go and spend that much time at home, but it was a wonderful time.

because I was able to... it was worth it. Yeah. And obviously lot of sad things happened, sad things happen every day in the world and you can dwell on those things. You look at the news and the news is, you know, littered in negative stories, but there's a lot of positive things going on. And, you know, we need to start, think, the world would be a place if we start looking at nice things every day because you'll start just, you know...

Emphasize that in Avalanche, that kind of stuff, opposed to the opposite, where everyone thinks the world's a miserable place. Maybe it is, but I'm not on it for that long, so I don't want to be happy. Yeah. There was, on one of my trips, there was a very, I heard a very Republican, very conservative couple that was going to be in the house with me and my girlfriend at the time. And my girlfriend knew the couple.

James Doran (54:11.02)

not the couple, but a family member of the couple who she did not like. And I said, well, let's make the best of it because there's other friends involved with this stuff. And they were George and Martha, which you can't get more American than those two names. I didn't know what to expect, but we were in a villa in Italy that the one couple owned. And this couple came from Tennessee.

We flew in there all night, so was all night. We very tired. We got there about eight in the morning, and this other couple was already there. And Martha comes down to the kitchen at about 8 .30. Southern bell, she had the beautiful quaffed hair, just dressed to the nines at 8 .30 in the morning. And kind of as a joke, or to break the ice, I just turned to her and said, Martha, would you like a cup of wine or a glass of wine? And she said,

Well, it may be 8 .30 in the morning, but never too early for a fine glass of wine. And I just, I love this woman. And we had the best time politically and religiously, probably absolute opposites. But we had a lovely time. And she said that we had some nice discussions and her husband was great. And she said, everything, anything gets tense at home, I just talk, I just say, let's talk about flowers.

And you can't be angry if you're talking about flowers. I throw that was that was probably 10 years ago. And I throw that out. when anytime, even in France, if it gets tense, I go, let's talk about flowers and we go, what's your favorite flower? And then you just change the mood right away. Completely. And you raise a good point. You know, there's a lot of prejudice in the world on religious beliefs or political beliefs. And it's just

They don't make you who you are. Yes, it's a part of you. It's part of your kind of personality. America's probably an example for this. In the UK, we have several parties and people are usually one or the other, and it was Labour or Conservative, but there are some fringe parties. But my friends, I have no idea who they vote for. can have a hunch based on what they believe. But it's not something that we...

James Doran (56:29.942)

assigned to our personalities, doesn't define who we are. We go vote in private and we go vote and that's it. Because that's what it should be. shouldn't. And because people should be able to pick and choose and be fluid with the vote because what about, you know, what's the vote about? Who's the best candidate for what I want? It doesn't matter if you're voting blue, red, green, purple, know, rainbow. As long as you've made an informed decision and you're a person who takes on board

the values of someone, whether it's the values that you agree with or not agree with, and make an informed decision, then you're someone I want to speak to and have a conversation with because you'll be someone who will be open -minded in that sense. You may have a different conclusion to the result or the solution than I do, but the fact that you accepted or considered an early option and made a decision is a good place to have a debate or a good place to have a conversation and share a glass of wine with, talk about your third flower, because

It's not about picking a team. It's about, you know, making the decision. And since traveling and meeting more people, you meet people's viewpoints, you gain empathy, as you said before, and you go, I see, I what it's like to be an immigrant now because I've sat in line at the immigration services or to get a visa. And I've to wait six hours and it's really hard and you don't speak the language. You know, the systems are different.

For me, the driving in the side of the road was different and yada yada yada all these different things which build up and add a lot of stress to your day by going to the supermarket which in your own country can take you half an hour to do in a grocery shop but if you're doing it in a foreign language with foreign brands you don't know you spend two hours there trying to choose the loaf of bread because you don't know which one you want and it adds a lot of stress and it builds up and builds up and builds up which until you've done it you never got the empathy for it so

You know, that's why I did this podcast is to share these stories like you've had of your to people who maybe haven't moved abroad yet looking to move abroad just to say, give people some space and time and go and try it out. If don't like it, great. But if you do love it, then you've joined a lot of people who've made the move and broadened their horizons and discussed over glasses of wine.

James Doran (58:50.38)

midnight with people about anything and everything in the Ryan's Ducks probably lit up in the sky for you to enjoy as well. There's so many wonderful things about having open conversation that you discuss with people you wouldn't expect to be friends with. And you may not be friends, but if you listen to each other, that's one of the things we don't listen anymore. Certainly not you and me. But yes, we attack.

You want to only talk to people who you agree with and certainly those who agree with you. And if they don't, you attack instead of saying, do you really feel this way? Especially now there's going to be a revolution in our country. And it's a shame because even within our family, have that. We're not talking about flowers. And another good thing about, let's say, the flower thing is if you have somebody you know you're going to butt heads with,

or definitely have a different opinion. Come up with something you have in common first. Discuss the things that you have in common and that makes the other stuff a little easier to deal with. they say, you know, all these people who hate each other, if they start talking about certain things, they go, yeah, well, yeah, yeah, I like the New York Yankees. Yeah. Hey, me too. Who is your favorite player? You get all that stuff going and you go, yeah, but what about? And you go, yeah, but hey, we love the Yankees, so we got that going.

library anti -fan, Las Bagels or pastrami or just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. just Juri Fett, you know, it's different religions again and things like that, which is... Well, whoever first came up with, I don't know, was Plato or something? Religion and politics don't bring it up. Right? Especially within the family. It was true thousands of years ago and it still is. So whoever came up with that, frickin genius. Unbelievable. Wonderful.

I guess we've been around the houses with you your last in France and I wonder if you can start off the next section is it going to be a review of your time? Should we can kind of pick up some more advice that you already shared or any but we can start to delve a bit deeper into that subject.

James Doran (01:01:09.998)

So welcome back to the podcast of World of Seasons 3, is more because I said before I'd come over to review your time. So I don't know if you could kind of cast your mind back to when you first moved and you can give yourself a bit of advice which may enhance your experience. I'm not saying something you could change, but just something which you might say, hey, think about this or maybe avoid that. Is there something which kind of comes to mind? To be honest, no.

Other than, I would have to say the most problems I have, or the main thing that drives me nuts here, are the French drivers. I want to remove my rear view mirror in my car because I spend more time looking at how close the guy behind me is as opposed to what's in front of me. They're crazy.

They don't know what we call safe distance. I used to teach traffic school back in the States for a bit at a comedy play. So you entertain, but also you taught lessons. And there's a lot of driving schools in Pezonas in my village. And I'm tempted to stop the car sometime and ask them, do you teach this notion of, you have to break at some point.

And you don't want to be in the car in front of you's back seat. It's scary. But again, it's them. I'm in their land. it's not just... I've seen the police write on people's tails without the lights going. They don't know or they don't care. Or I think I have another theory. I think they're Formula One fans.

And so they're all drafting to save gas. So I think it's an environmental thing. They're trying to save gas to save the earth. And so maybe that's it. And that's what I have to focus on. But I would say that was the biggest adjustment here. Also, they have some practical things, which is nice. So I have a washer in my house, but I don't have a dryer.

James Doran (01:03:25.292)

because the French say we don't fry our clothes. And you think about a dryer, my gosh, in America you needed a dryer all the time, or at least you thought you needed a dryer all the time. And so the only thing I go to the laundromat is to fluff up my towels, because I like the towels to be fluffy. And when I have visitors here, I want them to have a nice, comfortable towel, and not like sandpaper or something.

But again, I think I've been very fortunate here. Again, having the good attitude and open up and not being... I say the ugly American because it exists. I've heard it and you'll hear it from a mile away. I know some American people and their attitude is just terrible and they have all the problems that I've never had. And part of it is just their attitude.

It's amazing. it's like they don't get it. They don't look in the mirror and say, why is this tone turning these people off? Or why am I having such a difficult time? When I go to the prefecture for my card seizure, I had to go in for my 10 year residency card. And with that, you have a certain amount of paperwork. And luckily at my age,

I didn't have to do the language test. You have to get a certain level. And I may be there, but I get very nervous when I have to speak French and stuff. But at the prefecture, they still have the COVID plate glass things in front of you. And it's hard to hear the clerk. And they speak very fast. And the accent in the South is very different. It's very different from the French that I've been studying.

It was all in French. And anytime I started to say anything in English, she would correct me and say, French, Francais, Francais, Francais. And I was okay. So I studied for the test and the first question, I didn't understand what she was saying and I could barely hear because there was noise in the background and I had this plate thing. And so it just started off terrible. knew, my gosh, this is going to be a nightmare. And this is a big deal to get the 10 year thing because every ...

James Doran (01:05:49.742)

If you have to go every year, you've got to do all the major paperwork and get all the bank statements and do all this other stuff. And it's just, and it's not cheap. So this 10 year thing was going to save a fortune, but also a lot of hassle. So the first meeting didn't go well. This lady had no sense of humor. I tried to use a little charm, no sense of humor, it's whoever. And she said, you're missing this, this, this basically in French. So she had it and I said, we're finished because I was all ready for a test.

And the test is who's the prime minister, who's the president, and the motto of France, and all these other. And I was ready for those questions. No, no, no, you got to come back with the paperwork. So I had to get paperwork. do the paperwork, and I get an appointment. Same lady. was hoping, my gosh, she has no sense of humor. So we start, and she says, OK, now the questions. And the first question, I was like, sorry, pas comprend? Pas comprend?

I couldn't hear, I couldn't understand it. And I said, can I the papyay? No, no, no. I said, not the answers. I just want the questions because I can't hear you. And so it was going downhill fast. So there was another clerk who didn't have anybody and I think she was listening to the problem. It was taking pity on me. So the next question she asked was, what's the Davey?

the Dei V, the Defrance, which is liberty, equality, fraternity. But the way she asked it, Dei V is one thing, Dei Vis is an estimate. So I thought she was asking me for an estimate of something. And I'm like, why are you asking me if I have an estimate for what? And so it was terrible. So I should have just answered every...

At least the first five questions with liberty, equality, fraternity, that was the main thing. Anyway, this clerk next door was taking pity on me. And so she stood up and she's standing there. And the next question was, what's the laicite, I believe is the pronunciation. And that is separation of church and state. And I knew that word. So I said the separation of the igle and the state. And this lady's like going, yeah. And I go.

James Doran (01:08:12.632)

Can I switch clerks because I like this one much better. Anyway, so it was a struggle. And I said, there's absolutely no way I'm getting my tenure. And near the end of it, she says, OK, so what languages do you speak? And I say, Anglais. And she goes, I said, Francais, en Pou. And she goes, Francais? Meaning, none of your French except. And I want to say, if you and I went out for a cup of cafe, we would be fine.

In this circumstances, no. You've got to be case when you're learning the other language, right? My, my, my Swedish was good enough to order food and, and go to the shops, but I couldn't, I couldn't work in the language because I didn't know. I'm an engineer. didn't know engineering terms in Swedish and my company was in English anyway, but, say we're German. I used to speak German to quite a high level conversationally, but then you can't work in the language. I once did an interview in France and they tried.

They asked me if I wanted to do it German or English. I said, I'll try a bit of German, but I'll switch back. And it took me about two minutes to go, yeah, English, English bit. Because it was just so much harder. So at the end of this, thought, absolutely no way. I'm getting my tenure thing. And it was a mystery. So like a couple of weeks later, they call and say, come pick up your document. And again, I had no idea if it was a one year or a tenure.

And again, this is where the attitude I think comes in. So I thought I failed the test, but I was very nice with this lady. I said, thank you very much. And I left. So I get the note and I go in, I wait in line for the pick up my documents. So I get it and I open it up and I got the tenure. And I'm like, so as I'm leaving, I see this woman who I was a disaster with for two things. And I see her and I wave her down. I go, And I go, thank you.

And she smiled and I said, yes, it was lovely. Because as much as I thought she hated me, she was trying to help. And she knew that I was going to be, if nothing else. And I did have a letter actually from the Marie in town. So the mayor gave me an endorsement letter because they kind of know me in this village. So I think that helped as well. So I had the backing of the mayor saying he's a good citizen and blah, blah, blah. So, but you know, was,

James Doran (01:10:33.646)

from disaster to a victory. We'll see what happens. When 10 years is up, then I've got to probably know some, well, I think I'll be fine. My girlfriend's French, so I should know more. All I know is when I'm in trouble when she speaks only French. I was going to say, how have you found the socializing life? So obviously you said you

that French girlfriend, is she from the area or is she from somewhere else? No, actually she's Swiss, but she grew up Swiss French, so French is her first language. She has a sister that lives in Los Angeles. And so she spent some time in actually in Venice, California and studied English, so she's fluent in English. we had a mutual friend. One of my favorite restaurants is their back door is about

15 feet from my front door and we became good friends again when I was here. I just walked in and we started chatting and they're very dog friendly and she has a dog that she brought from the US. And so she would go there quite a bit and they knew that I had an apartment that I renovated and was going to rent out. This was before I moved here. So he said, you may be interested in this American's apartment. It's very close. So we didn't meet until probably seven months later because we could never figure out the time.

And I don't think he tried to set us up, but we met and we've been going together for seven years. So it's been, it's nice. So she lives about 15 minutes away. And so this is where I live now is kind of my office for the week. And then the weekends I spend with her and then we go on trips and things. And it's nice because, the problem is I think if she spoke French only, I would learn my French a lot faster.

I do study it and I do great when I'm listening to my Pimsleur tapes and things like that, but it seems that it goes, I forget it pretty quickly. And then when I'm put on the spot, it's kind of difficult. But I think if someone asked me to translate stuff, I could probably do pretty well. It's the reading and writing I find easiest. It's the listening difficult because as you said, not everyone is speaking this at in pace is what you're used to listening to.

James Doran (01:12:54.048)

Or the variations of accent can be different. Like for instance, in Swedish, there's a word called Hölpada, which is turtle, but if you're from the Norfolk, it's Sholpada. And you might not know that's a different word. The same word, sorry, if you're new to a language. And French is another example of three provinces around the country with different accents and different influences, whether it's Catalan or Italian or wherever, because of the borders that France has, you know.

We're lucky, think, you know, English is very difficult as a second language. And so I think we were lucky that we grew up with that because, you know, the French, they say, is very difficult. And I have to agree because we have, you you put the gender on everything. You not only have a past, present, and a future tense, but you also have the genders on there. And it's like, come on.

I don't care if it's a female car or a male car, it's a car and it's black. I got it. Come on. it just takes time, I believe. It just takes practice, repetition. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have to admit I'm probably a little lazy with it because I get away with what I've been getting away with. Everybody here is so nice and as long as you have enough of it to start a conversation or at least let them know that...

You know, I do appreciate your language and stuff. I'm a little nervous about it, but they're great. yeah, it's more on me than anybody else. Completely. And it's one thing I noticed living abroad, especially as an English speaker, that people will want to speak your language because it's the international language because, you know, second language like Swedish or

maybe, well French is very widely spoken so it's good one to learn and it's a Latin language so it helps with Latin based languages I'm sure down the line and there's always a thing of French not wanted to speak English with English people I don't know what it's like for Americans. It's mainly a Parisian thing I think more than anywhere else. Yeah they could be a little picky up there but again if you can charm them somehow or

James Doran (01:15:09.422)

get him to laugh or something. I think I had just one issue with someone up in Paris and his phone call was more important than the 40 people waiting in queue to ask for help on where the trains were going. And it was like he was just full of attitude, just having a good time. But they'll do that here too, without being, I think, a problem. If you're on a queue, let's say at the grocery store,

and that the cashier knows the person and they have a lovely conversation and there are no rush to end it, no matter how many people are waiting. And again, you say, you know what? That's kind of charming. I'm just jealous I'm not in the conversation. Yeah, if I don't have a medical emergency, this is fine. very rarely will you hear someone honk a car horn.

or complain. close to you. We're here to talk. I knew that was behind you. Again, just remove your rearview mirror. Going back to the language thing, I don't know if you remember the Friends episode where Joey speaks French, but I became quite empathetic of Joey whilst he was doing that scene where he's going, Phoebe's speaking French to him and he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like that was his, I'm speaking it.

I would be the same with learning the language like I think I have the sentence right and then I go and speak to my friend who's really sweet or German and I say it he goes no it's miles away and I was like but to me it sounds right and they're that scene in friends and you're aware of it go check it out if not but that's just literally how I feel how I felt at that moment in time going I thought I said it right and then they said no completely wrong you've said the wrong thing

You should look up on YouTube, there's a New York cab driver who is trying to explain French counting. just like four times 20 plus 15, isn't it? Yeah. It's mathematical equations for everything. why at 16 you have one word and then it becomes 10 plus 7, 10 plus 8, 10 plus 9, and then 20.

James Doran (01:17:29.454)

and then 20 and 1 and then 22, 23 but it's 20 and 1, 30 and 1 and then when you get to 82, yeah it's Katravan Du and it's like okay and then for 99 it's Katravan Dsnuv and you're going why why couldn't they just come up with the word? Flanga. Flanga, that's 99.

But with this guy in the New York accent, it's hysterical because he has a great sense of humor. He's going, what is this? What is this? Okay. You know what? The guy got lazy after 16 or he got very industrious. He says, no, no, no. got to - abacus. He was all in the abacus. The abacus ended, right? And the abacus came to go that way. I'll have to watch that video now and go check it out. Yeah. Is there anything else you wish to kind of talk about in terms of inspiring people to follow in your footsteps?

Have you issues with filing your taxes while living in parole? that's quite a pump in the I have a French tax accountant and an American tax accountant. And the American taxes are due one month before the French. So I get my tax returns sent here, and then I send them off to ... because the US and France has an agreement, so we don't get double taxed, which is lovely.

Also, what's good here for an American is when you get your pension, you can live abroad. Friends in Australia and I think in New Zealand, they can't live more than six months outside of their country or they don't get their pension. So I've had Australian friends who had to move to Spain because they couldn't get their pension here. And in Spain, they do have an arrangement where they can get it. So that's kind of strange. But I would say if nothing else for an American for the health system...

which is just incredible. If you're here for three months, and I don't think it has anything to do with owning property or living here permanently, but if you're here three months, you can get into the French health system. And it's amazing. mean, the cost of medications and the cost to go to your doctor and then you get reimbursed.

James Doran (01:19:50.574)

Let's say if you go to your... I have an annual, let's say, exam. So you go and you go to your doctor and it's like 25 euros. The state will reimburse a good part of that back into your bank account, which is lovely. And then if you have a mutual on top of that, they cover the rest of it. So almost the entire fee to go to see your doctor in the first place is covered. And then the cost of medication, usually most of it's free, but even if your prescription runs out...

They'll say, know, your prescription runs out, so you're going to have to pay cash for this. And you say, okay, what is it? And it's like, you know, that's four euros. And they feel terrible that they have to charge you for this. And in America, would be several hundred dollars. I broke a tooth here and it went to a dentist and it was kind of an emergency and they fixed it. And at the end of it, they said, but about about a euros and I figured it was going to be 150 euros. It was 13 euros.

That was like a I knew it was going to be pretty good, but that's ridiculous and it's Again, they have it right and in America, especially they're we don't want to be socialists and stuff like that I mean they care about your health here, so they don't want you to be a burden on the society So they you know you go through and you get your blood testing and stuff. Well, at least I do every year just as an annual checkup and and

They don't prescribe drugs unless you really need them. Luckily, I haven't had to do any of that stuff, but the cost is amazing if you do. Even for eye drops and things like that, it's ridiculous because they want people to be healthy. They don't want you to go bankrupt with any kind of medical thing. So you spend a fortune. So I spend...

You don't have to spend anything, but if you get a mutual, that might be like 80 euros a month. And that gives you a nice supplement after the state reimburses you something, then you get a bunch back from your mutual. that alone is worth the price of admission. Yeah, because somehow I didn't even think about it, because in the UK, health costs would cut.

James Doran (01:22:12.846)

So you go to the hospital, go see a GP. There's no, there's no cash register. There's no pill, there's no tildes, sorry, it's tech. You pay for a prescription, maybe 10 pounds for whatever the doctor paid, writes you, but that's everything, it's the same price. And you can qualify for free prescriptions if you're a certain category of person. But you go to the point about, know, socialism and things, which is true to an extent, it is a socialist kind of agenda, but

It makes complete sense because if your workforce, which is the populace of your country, you're healthy and not worried about financial burden for being healthy, they'll be more productive because they've got access to healthcare which is free. So they're more likely to go to a doctor and get preventative measures in order to be off work for longer, not burdened by a financial burden, is, I don't know if I can be wrong, but people in

prison in Nigeria just because they have healthcare bills they can't pay and debts they can't service or... But if somebody has a hernia and they're a hard -working person they may go bankrupt because of that. So it's very screwed up and I think with the... I to call it Obamacare, I can't think of the other thing, is a step in the right direction and they're so...

much resistance to that because it's a poor, you know, for -profit business and everything. Big pharma, the hospitals, the doctors, it's ridiculous. know. It's greed, Greed is growing as well. That's the biggest pandemic we've got is greed in the world. I mean, how much do need? You know, especially the people at the top. There's never enough, apparently. So it's, it's, let's talk about flowers.

Well, wonderful. I guess we'll go ahead and podcast. I wondered if you wanted to share a bit more about your book in terms of where people can find it. Well, it's a cup of tea on the Kapa 'ut. It's on Amazon, doing very well on Amazon. I think it actually is in some brick and mortar places in London. Our publisher works with a distributor out of Chicago.

James Doran (01:24:32.81)

And if you Google a cup of tea on the come out, it's everywhere. mean, I have I've been promoting this thing like crazy. We have a Facebook page, a LinkedIn, a YouTube channel where I have a lot of funny videos, teasers that I've been releasing over the last couple of years. It's won four literary awards so far. The reviews have been lovely and the I've had lots of interviews and stuff for for the book. I like to do I've done a couple of these.

retirement and moved to another location once because they're fun to do and a nice change of pace. my mother, her favorite beverage was a cup of hot tea, skim milk and no sugar. And at this point when I took over her care, she could no longer walk and getting her to and from the bathroom was a bit dicey. So we set a commode next to her bed.

And sometimes Mother Nature took a little longer than it was comfortable for either one of us. So one morning I asked her if she'd like a cup of tea while we waited. And she said yes, and it became a hit. And that became a ritual every morning. So a cup of tea of the commode was a mom's version of multitasking. And me taking care of her was my version of multitasking. So it was a good three and a half year journey.

I was a, before I did that, was a carefree bachelor, had no children, never married. And so my first child was an 89 year old grumpy woman. There are my mom. Yeah, there are. It must have been very cathartic for you to write it down as well. it's after the experience and, and really kind of find the joy in the time you used to share together as well. Yeah.

And it was also, I didn't know what I was gonna do at first. It was gonna be a, I just wanna record a family history, which I have, I guess, reputation for doing. So this was the latest project. And then while I was doing it, I had some friends who were going through a similar situation with either their mother or father. And so I started sharing some of the tips because I worked with hospice quite a bit, because I wanted to learn how to properly take care of my mom and stuff.

James Doran (01:26:53.172)

And they got some benefit from some of my stories. So said, you know, I think I got something here that a lot of people could benefit from. So it's not a how -to book. It's what I did book. And you may get some good ideas from that. it was, you know, it's our parents, and they deserve to be honored and treated with dignity and respect and stuff. So I wanted to make sure my mom's final years were the best they could be. So that's the gist of the story.

Amazing. there'll be a link below. But you'll find it. And yeah, I wish you the best of luck with that. Thank you so much for your for your time and generosity for talking to me for this for this was my pleasure. And I'm glad we didn't do it in French. I've been very different. I mean, my French is non existent.

I can say, ne comprends pas, je suis anglais. Parlez -vous anglais, hello. That's very good. It's fantastic. Fantastic. What I've learned is a nice one that I say to my friends is, ça 'a fait plaisir à vous voir, which is, it gives me great pleasure to see you. And they love it. So I throw that out whenever I can. So there's certain sayings you can do to get by, if nothing else, to break the ice. And they'll go, very nice. Merci.

Now back to the wine. So here we don't talk about flowers. We go, you want to drink? Why? wonderful. Well, thank you for for joining us for this conversation. I really enjoyed the many journeys Mark's been on and the anecdotes you've shared and do go find his book and listen to it and enjoy the stories he's telling. And as always, if you have enjoyed the podcast, please do go and share it with your friends and

spread the word that we exist and we're sharing these incredible stories from people like Mark who might inspire you to live abroad or you already living abroad might inspire you to try a different way of making friends or a different experience to go and you know search for. But as always we'll see you next time for the ExpertPod.